Que nous est-il donc arrivé ? Dis moi !

Ce soir, je suis seul dans les rues de ma ville, je marche la musique au fond dans les oreilles. J’écoute le célèbre titre de Ninho : Lettre à une femme. Seul aujourd’hui dans ces rues, le silence m’envahit, l’air me pénètre, la nuit est si belle et sa sérénité m’apaise. Ces moments sont uniques pour moi, je me sens maître de ces lieux, heureux de posséder l’espace pour moi seul. pour moi seul aujourd’hui, hier, on le possédait à deux, on marchait main dans la main dans cette rue et on s’est promis ce que nul humain ne saurait jamais posséder : l’éternité, que toi et moi, ce serait à la vie et à la mort.

Qu’est-ce qui nous est arrivé ? Dis moi !
Qu’en est-il de toutes ses promesses ?
Pourquoi as tu cessé de croire, dis moi ?

Te souviens tu aujourd’hui de tes mots :  » Je te connais mieux que personne, je pourrai écrire un livre entier sur toi et ne pas en finir, tu m’as tellement fait souffrir mais saches que je t’aime  »

Je ne sais pas pour toi mais moi si car je n’ai pas su dormir cette nuit, comment dormir si j’étais la cause de toutes tes souffrances , si j’étais celui qui te faisait pleurer chaque nuit. Chaque larme que tu verses me fait me sentir inhumain, j’aurai voulu ne pas être moi pour toi .

Te souviens tu de tous ces jours où je te poursuivais alors que tu allais à Bahadou, paraît que je te harcelais,tu me fuyais et pourtant chaque jour, je t’attendais dans cette rue, chaque jour, tu refusais de me parler, chaque jour jusqu’au jour tu m’as vu devant votre porte, tu avais un arc-en-ciel dans le cœur, tu étais heureuse en même temps tu avais peur, c’est alors que tu m’as promis une limonade. Entre rêve et cauchemar, tu m’apprenais que rien au monde n’était impossible. Désormais c’est les dunes de Kadhafi, c’est la porte de Lemine, c’est Diam Tindé, désormais, c’est toi et moi. Merci d’avoir fait de moi, un guerrier, qui n’ai je pas affronter pour tes beaux yeux et pourtant tu es partie, tu as fait de notre paradis un désert, je t’en ai voulu, pourquoi étais-tu partie ?

Et je savais que tu devais partir, d’ailleurs tout le monde s’en va un jour, je le savais que trop bien mais je te voulais l’exception , toi et pourtant tu es partie, plus de musique, plus de toi, tout en moi etait en larmes. Je te perdais, je le savais ! Plus de limonade.

Les blessures du cœur sont si grandes, si fortes, si profondes et pourtant si invisibles ?

Qu’est-ce qu’un homme face à la force du destin? Qu’est-ce qu’un homme face à la création ? Qu’est-ce qu’un homme face au temps et à la douleur d’un cœur meurtri.

Dis moi donc, te rappelles tu dans cette classe où le hasard nous fait nous rencontrer, nous qui tout temps dehors étaient collés. Tu souriais, je souffrais de ne pas pouvoir te prendre dans mes bras. Alors on nous demandait de répéter. Répétons, c’est ce que nous savons faire le mieux, répétons et voilà qu’on t’insulte voilà que je m’énerve, que je jette papiers et papiers, que je sortais. On ne pouvait t’insulter et que je ne fasse rien. Mais comment rendre son coup à celui-ci qui t’enseigne ? Comment dis moi ?

J’ai commis le crime d’être avec toi, atroce, impardonnable, je condamnai tout mon être mais je ne pouvais ne pas être là, bien que je te fuyais et que tu le savais. Je ne pouvais te rester alors je te fuyais. Comment ne pas te fuire ? Dis moi ?
Je te revenais hélas, trop tard. Tu m’as tellement détesté que tu changeais de rue en me voyant. L’horreur a été de te perdre et je te perdais à tout jamais.

Seule tous les jours, je te dépassais dans cette salle assise sur la même table, un jour, je me décide, j’entre. Je prends la craie et voilà que je te dessine un cœur au tableau, j’y mets ton nom, tu étais calme, cette assurance qui faisait peur et faisait trembler tous les hommes néanmoins je m’accrochais et voilà que tu me parles : Toi et moi, c’était écrit. Tu as les les plus beaux yeux au monde, je n’en ai jamais vu de similaires. Que nous est-il arrivé ? On était si confiants en la vie? Demain était nôtre, on se pavanait, on devenait les rois du désert. Tes yeux n’appartenaient désormais . Que je nous ai aimé si jeunes, si plein de vies ? Que je nous ai admiré bravant l’impossible…tu sais, pour tes yeux, j’aurai pu sacrifier la terre entière, hélas elle est arrivée et tes yeux ne comptaient plus.

Que le monde est injuste, triste alors que tu pleures une personne, une autre te pleure. Alors que tu la veux plus que tout, elle veut une autre plus que tout. Alors qu’elle ne dort pas pour toi, tu ne dormais pas pour une autre . Et dire que j’ai dit que le monde est injuste , c’est faux, le monde est juste. Tout le monde a ce qu’il mérite, tout le monde a peur, tout le monde espère mais tout le monde se tait et marche comme si de rien n’était. Des millions de masques qui ont si mal. Si un jour, tous ces cœurs crient leurs douleurs, leur force serait telle que le monde ne s’en révèlerait jamais mais nous sommes forts, nous cachons si bien nos jeux. Nous feignons d’être heureux, nous montrons nos dents aux autres alors qu’on a su mal et on vit m, du moins on survit, on a laissé fuire la plus belle chose qui puisse exister.

Dis moi donc ? Que nous est-il arrivé ?
Pourquoi as tu cessé de croire ?
Toi que je ne vis qu’un jour et j’ai su que tu devrais être mienne. Devant cette école comme un fou, pieds nus presque, je m’arrêtais, toi que j’ai aimé plus que tout . Toi, je te voulais ma femme, toi, ce n’était pas tes yeux, ton nez, ton corps, ta démarche, ton sourire, que j’aimais, d’ailleurs, je ne sais plus car j’aimais tout de toi, tout et encore tout. Tu étais unique.
Tu m ecrivais que tu préférais chutter dans les abîmes et mourir que de ne plus m’aimer. Et je devenais une nouvelle personne pour toi, je changeais tout en moi. Oui, tu m’as changé, avec toi, je pouvais élever ciel et terre. Je dormais comme un enfant. J’étais réellement heureux. Le monde n’avait aucune force contre nous. C’était toi et moi contre tout. Tu sais, je te lis jusqu’aujourd’hui et j’ai compris qu’il y’a de ces histoires qui n’ont pas de fin, qui se taisent juste dans les coeurs car l’immensité de leur amour ne peut-être contenu dans les coeurs. Tu sais , j’ai connu le sens véritable de : Je t’aime et céla grâce à toi ! Désolé le temps a eu raison de nous ! La promesse a été oublié. Les hommes oublient vite mais les rues ont bonne mémoire. J’ai compris que ce n’était pas une ville que j’étais venue chercher, que ce n’était pas une maison qui me manquait, que c’était toi à chaque fois que je recherchais dans un autre regard, dans un autre sourire, dans un autre geste, que c’était toi mon chez moi qui faisait qu’où que je sois. Je demeurais étranger. La vie est juste, je le sais mais tout le monde part un jour. Voilà ce que j’ai appris à mes dépens !

Que nous réserve demain ? Je sais que tu te poses cette question ? J’ai arrêté quant à moi, il y’a bien longtemps !

Nb : la photo de couverture n’a aucun rapport ni lien avec le texte, elle n’est utilisée qu’à titre illustrative.

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